I never thought of having to write an etiquette, just that I use forks to take my navel fluff (quiet, I only do it with those for the fish) (if I knew how to distinguish). Yet the contingency forces me to do it, maybe because they did not at that time parents are too busy in Moige - to censor nipponiche panties - to take care of their children, or perhaps because there is a bit 'of Laura Ravetto in all of us.
The university restaurant is an institution for anyone who has chosen to continue their studies, good or bad. Thousands of students crossing each day, a human river proportions of which can rival many common Venetian hinterland. The volume of people interacting inevitably requires a series of rules to maintain the life of society, Tablets of the Law of the assertions which are penned in the sautéed meat and third choice (sent back from the third world). Kant would call them " categorical imperatives," Berlusconi " the popular will" that they want to turn Cumün . And since I'm not a fool like an airhead cocaine by Monsignor Giovanni della Casa, enclose the proper punishment to any assertion along the lines of Dante's retaliation. And then my etiquette's the dirty words, will you take? Sticazzi. So here
the etiquette of the university cafeteria.
" to my cousins,
who found a dog on the beach and instead it was a rat
"
Preface:
This booklet is aimed to all those I meet in the canteen and believe live in the jungle along with wolves, a panther and a bear, mettondo a strain on my nerves. I hate you all.
Please read accompanied by a mojito since it is summer, or a soda if you do not have the need. Or a good book if you have them. From a seventeen year old who wants to enter the world of entertainment, if you do not have that either.
Assert 1: row.
is a good idea to stay composed while in line, do not scream like monkeys in heat, and certainly beats the crap I hear and judge, bad, and if you are in a row under the sun, it would be very kind advance on your part to fill in the blanks in front of you to allow people to take off from direct exposure of the ball of fire that we have over the head - I have a nickname for you: the Vampire Slayer, is NOT going to join the queue exceeds a even among people who do not have Facebook friends (and this says a lot), which gives rise to more than a set of skits that is a little embarrassing:
" Hello ... "
" ah ... hello ... "
" how are you? "
" eh ... it goes by ... "
" oh yes ... the examination session and began to you? "
" we really are going together. "
" ah ... the sun is shining today, eh? Thank goodness we are here in the shade ... .
Merciful. If you must go forward, at least do it to get someone who is your friend.
punishment for shouting in a row : boiling soup poured down the throat of a cauldron; move back four boxes.
punishment for not letting the sun moves : come from a giant slow cooked and served as a "kebab."
punishment for those who exceed : the table is moved down the row (literally).
Assert 2: places.
NOT DEALING WITH EMPTY SEATS COATS AND BAGS BUT YOU ARE STILL IN ROW! you think you smarter? maybe that others are not really in a row, but they are only there to make up the numbers? perhaps he did not need those places as you, and if they have more right in front of you? maybe it was your mother that I saw come to Palazzo Grazioli? bitch is the most you can do in a canteen, and know that I will pour a little chance 'of my gravy on the things left unattended. Suggestion for the victims of this foul crime: remove the junk and rags and ammucchiateli in a corner, then sit back as well. Other tables
misconduct by 8 people: if you are two, rather than occupy two seats available in a table with other people, sit at a table completely empty. Sure enough there will come a group of eight people who do not know where tables sit because there are not completely free, and timely in that group as I do.
punishment for those who occupy the seats with coats : swallow shit for the rest of his life. It would be just the down payment.
punishment for those who sits in second on a table for 8 : eating standing up. On stilts. Above a lake of pins.
Assert 3: choose the first.
The former are not hidden from view, behind the plexiglass, you can see all the way to reach them, and you can read on the printed menu, which is located along the line. Then we arrived in front of undecided NOT to ask for the names and explanations of all these dishes (of which 2 are always the same way), because there are people who eat a tire behind you, and maybe even if you only can not stand your blandishments.
punishment for the undecided : dell'indeciso lunch. A shapeless lump, which has all the colors and flavors all possible, none of which are well defined, but on the whole ravine. Is not said if there is already salt, if you already have the cheese, etc.. Nothing at all. And you can not ask.
Assert 3a: choose pizza.
dell'asserto version above. Sometimes you're lucky enough to come at a canteen that the "pizza", you stand in line e. .. fuck. You find that you mileage. Immense, if not end in sight. After many lives degl'uomini arrive at the counter of the pizza and you'll understand what gave rise to the foul line: People make the squeamish. " Mh, no, no ... this pizza is not there another one? What's coming? " mh, no, I do not like any "" mh, this has little tomato ... is that it comes another? . "HE IS THE ROW TAKE A DECENT FUCK PIZZA and peeling. Because if the bar occupies the pizzas that you discarded from your harem - and that could be good to others - will stay there, if ever the poor behind you will get there, eat them cold and dry, thanks to you who wanted to wait. Citizenship: zero. What then the pizzas are always the same: capricious, rocket & parmesan, ham, Viennese potato chips, ham and mushrooms, salami. I've seen people wait for half an hour a pizza that he liked, and eventually do even half his face in disgust. I hope we will have spit in the pizza.
punishment for who makes the pizzas picky: you are served pizza SS: Sperm & Scabies. No chance of reply. A wiry man is watching you eat, until the entire finite. Semen is his, you learn when you are in the middle. Scabies, as well.
Assert 4: drinks.
Many otherwise friendly and refined, I fall on soft drinks. The lack of good taste is incredible and often out of control need to be remedied.
is good to know that soft drinks that are served by the cafeteria are not really spilling the drinks that are labeled: Fanta, Coke, Wine, Beer, Seltz. They just have a taste similar. So deeply is contraindicated FILL THE BOTTLES TO spilling, why do you look like beggars like anything else.
But there are other inappropriate behaviors that do not make you a good figure in the salons of the upper class of the table, and are as follows:
punishment for filling the bottle : stapler by sulfuric acid drops sparkling.
- fill the glass, drink the contents, refill, drink the contents, etc. If there are people in the queue behind you (they're all hoping that you go sideways, " oh my God, someone knows the Heimlich maneuver? " "I ! but my arms ached. " "I I could apply if he were a mannequin, but humans are not capable. "" I do not I can, I watch a guy who has earned the SS ");
- get to spilling with 4-5 plastic cups, not knowing where to place them, one by one to fill them all different drinks, not being able to catch them all together , an overthrow, fill it again, wait until someone to help you carry;
- dilute the beer arrives too late beautiful, unless you believe in homeopathy;
- too much space in front of all if you staplers I need one.
punishment for those who shit in front of the spilling : glasses break down while transporting them, spilling the contents on your beautiful new shoes. The quantity that is inversely proportional to the time invested by which you own.
Assert 5: at the table.
give themselves a voice at the table is more difficult than it looks. At least judging by the amount of neanderthal that I happen to side while I eat. It is a good rule, and usually not scream when you are sitting at the same table with strangers, nor even in a dialect incomprehensible to me that I was born here and with that typical of the Venetian horrible guttural tone. If you're a group of girls - maybe the South, judging accent - it is better not to talk at random throughout the duration of your room, avoid the topic " guys, but what is that shit - I try with the other one but I did not understand " avoid the topic " madòòò since I no longer have to Padua Leisure "as well as the" here people are more ccchiusa, we are more ssolare , or evergreen but we eat better "and" it always rains here but "(maybe). In addition, it will seem strange but the countless family members with whom you argue why you are unbearable NOT JUST A RIVER SODDING. Finally, it is strongly recommended to search in the time of filing the strong field emphasis you find yourself, and avoid like the plague phrases such as " Synapse! " to indicate similar and minds " ie! ie! to underline each statement.
punishment for shouting Venetian pasta hormone that makes you raise your voice two octaves.
punishment for girls chattering : be admitted to a nursing home at age 22, sedate and malnourished.
Assert 6: bank of desserts.
A good customer of the table lined up neatly behind the people at the counter of desserts (if they mess it has one), wait his turn and cackles as if it were under overdose from Ritalin, also, once you reach the counter, does not order " 9 coffee: a macchiato, an espresso, macchiato cold coffee with cream, another espresso, a long, coffee, ginseng, and a decaf macchiato "segmentation-fault in sending the girl behind the counter and monopolizing the entire bank, in addition the good customer if it wants to be truly such, I did not steal the last slice of cake.
punishment for those who cackles : a guy screaming in your ears while you eat the cake, but every time you turn disappears.
punishment for those who order many things : finding work in the piano bar of a nightclub by the manager angrily: " a mojito! " Tunze Tunze " What? "" a mojito! " Tunze Tunze " I do not feel, do you want? " a mojito! " Tunze Tunze Tunze " EEHH? " MOJITO A BITCH YOUR MOTHER! " TUNZA " a rum? "" NO SHIT " TUNZA " Look, I do not understand! " TUNZA " I understand " TUNZA " Caipiroska WANT ONE? " TUNZA " EH ? MO-JI-TO! " TUNZA " OK, It IS DAIQUIRI " TUNZA " I'll kill you " TUNZA " with the ice? " TUNZA " YOU CAN PUT ME IN A BOTTLE? "(at the time the manager comes and shoots you in the foot by putting an end to this pitiful sketch, and shoot me too merciful for this sketch.)
Assert 7: end of the meal.
A good lunch could be said for this to end well. The end of the meal has a crucial, and there has classified as gentry as balls depending on how you behave.
If all those with whom you have finished eating in a group, including you, to make living is highly discouraged, especially by those who stand with tray in hand looking for a place to sit. Losing hours talking about nothing in positions of the table is morally reprehensible and will gain the blame for all those who have their feet sore from looking for a job (and the evil eye, if only one of us managed to free a hand). But if the table has a pleasant outdoor seating dejeneur sur l'herbe , limited to those: in particular, do not stay to play a trump up at four in the afternoon cluttering the tables and even the way out with your soft bodies.
punishment for those who remain to hang over the dining : remain until they all go. Then go there and back in line. You do not understand and you put it back in line confused. It is again one. Eat. Stay and chat, commenting on the fact that you have the impression that he has already lunch. When you finally decide to leave, there is again the tail. You say it's one for the evening and have done really late, but not that of the evening, your clock marks each. We put it back in line. Eat. Pendant. Outputs. Fila. Food. Door. Fila. Food. Door. Forever. Forever.
Afterword:
would like to inform you that this modest libellum has received critical acclaim from the literary elite of critics have adored and celebrated. I believe you are all at the table with me.
It's possible I have missed several inappropriate behaviors for youth who want to integrate into society: I apologize. In any case, the guidelines of etiquette the Table are very clear, and you can very well interpolated by the right rules. In general, however, want to come to your aid. Keep in mind this universal rule: be civil, think of others and follow a course in diction. That is all, dear readers. Good evening, go ahead. Or if you want to stay, went to wait in the big bed .
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